Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
