Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
