at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
