If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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