Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
