Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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