We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
