mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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