wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
