this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
