that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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