YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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