Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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