lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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