Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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