so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
