I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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