Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
