She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
His nipple licking is glorious
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