Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
