kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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