The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
