Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
