Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
