So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
