Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
