wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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