I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
