Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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