i think i have two assholes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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