Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
