shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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