I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
two words...techno handjob
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
