u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
where does the pee come out of this thing
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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