Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
