theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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