On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She's the barista slut.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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