question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
