i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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