Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's shark week go big or go home
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
