You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
