this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
