Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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