Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
