I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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