dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
