Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
