Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this beer tastes like vomit already
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My orgasm happened in two different decades
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
