oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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