READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i will never coherently bang her
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
